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This Video Of A Snake Opening A Door Is The Beginning Of Mankind’s End
Clever girl. Us humans, we’ve had a good run. Done some things, seen some things, made Zen Arcade. Our string of success tops even what the Atlanta Braves did in the NL East in the 1990s/early 2000s. But it’s time for us to step down; there’s a new boss in town: snakes, now that they can OPEN F*CKING DOORS.

Philadelphia News Anchor Nicole Brewer And Meteorologist Carol Erickson Really Don’t Like Each Other
There passive aggressive, there’s world class passive aggressive, and then there’s this compilation of clips featuring Philadelphia CBS3 news anchor (and former Miss Pennsylvania) Nicole Brewer and meteorologist Carol Erickson. It’s just … it’s on a whole different level. Most of the video is Brewer doing schtick straight out of Mean Girls — insinuating Erickson is a humorless diva, rolling her eyes, sighing, throwing little verbal jabs under her breath, etc.

JC Penney totally doesn’t think this tea kettle looks like Hitler. They would be wrong.

(Source: iheartchaos, via the1212spiral)

Those Crazy Amish Teens Are Using Facebook To Score Booze And Look At Boobs
It’s all Harrison Ford’s fault. Ever since he brought his chiseled good looks and Sam Cooke songs to Amish Country in Witness, those poor hat-wearing bastards haven’t been the same. They’re all we want technology this and why can’t we have Dan Aykroyd’s skull vodka that. Especially during Rumspringa, when Amish teens are allowed to explore the outside world, what with its billboards and fast food and all, for the first time.

A Man Had A Pencil Removed From His Head After Almost 15 Years
A 24-year old man in Germany had been living with a pencil lodged inside of his head for more than a decade, according to the Associated Foreign Press, and he apparently had no clue that it was there. In 2011, surgeons at Aachen University Hospital, the largest hospital in all of Europe, performed a successful procedure to have the pencil removed from the young man’s head, and the details of the case were revealed in a presentation in Germany this week.

And Here’s What A $1,500 Joint Looks Like, Courtesy of B-Real
Have you ever thought, “Hmm, I wonder what a $1,500 joint looks like?” Well, wonder no more because legendary rapper and weed connoisseur B-Real just solved one of life’s greatest […]

Watch Will Smith, Son Jaden & Alfonso Ribeiro Having A ‘Fresh Prince’ Mini-Reunion Complete With “The Carlton Dance”
Most American fathers and sons share simple “guy stuff” traditions: picking up a sport, the older teaching the younger how to fix a flat or maybe going hunting together. Not […]

Wolf Blitzer would like to take a moment to tell you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

(via iheartchaos)

A Naked San Antonio Man Has A Pretty Sweet Keyboard For Sale On Craigslist
I suppose if you’re going to sell a radical musical instrument, you need to let any potential buyers know just how much it lets you rock. And nothing says rock n’ roll like posing naked with a Nord Lead keyboard like this San Antonio gentleman did for his May 15 Craigslist ad. Whether or not you think it’s worth $400 – “fully expanded /w 12 voices and ram card” – is between you and your wallet, but I can tell you that for $10 or so, a bottle of Purell and some Lysol sanitary wipes would be the bargain of the year as the must-have accessories.